Who Am I? - @ashique-m-fahim

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 23:27:36 -0400

Hi you, whoever you are reading this. Thank You.

I guess I needed to write some stuff down that've been building up for a while. This is more important now because in your late 20's, you may realize that your friends are quite busy with their own lives and you can't really blame them for that. Most of them have kids and a ladder to climb. Few, if any, is struggling like you to establish himself/herself as an artist. Mostly...because they've given up their childhood dreams and now its tough for you to make them understand what you are going through as a guy whose inner Peter Pan refuses to die.

What am I going through? Most probably the biggest realization that I am going through is that I was born to be a musician. After 4 yrs of college education in business and 5 yrs of corporate job experience, where incidentally, I am also doing pretty good, I realized that none of them matters. I've been going thru this process for a long time but never had the guts to admit it becuz it throws so many challenges right at you. How am I going to support myself? Where is the next paycheck coming from? Will I ever be affluent enough to marry and have kids? Am I actually talented musically? Will people really like hearing what I have to say musically? EVEN then, the monster lying deep deep down in the labyrinth of my inner most desires have finally surfaced and consumed me from beginning till the end. I have lost that battle between a well paid secured life and a insecure, risky life of a musician. I still have not given up my job yet. But I am putting one block on top of another and building the bridges that I need to. There is a plan. Will I be able to actually make the transition to become a full time musician? I don't know yet. But I will keep you posted on this. If you want to know.

I am also going through a massive shift as a musician. I've been involved in several bands till now, pioneering 1 extreme metal band in my country, tried to take forward another heavy metal band; wrote, recorded and released a major label album with a mainstream band till now. In between there are many other tails of broken hopes and bitter disappointments. But there has always been a hunger in me for more, for something more free, more eclectic, more eccentric, more exploring, more guitar lines, more boundaries to be broken. Maybe for this reason I have always, even while in being in bands, been interested in Instrumental music. I’ve written countless instrumental tunes, most of which are somewhere in my hard disks, and some have been released. But I have been pretty dormant as a musician for the last 2 years, trying to realize who am I as a MUSICIAN. And one day, not suddenly, but very slowly I realized that I am actually an instrumental guitarist. And then everything felt right, you know? Just right. Everything was right. I heard my calling. Although a bit late, but hey, at last I got it! I felt that I was completely free at last. I could write poetries with my music and not worry about some stranger having to sing them. I could paint pictures with my guitar – sadness, anger, joy, lust, love, everything! I knew it, for the first time in my life that THIS IS IT.

After that, it is a uphill battle. It is probably even more uphill than being in a band with singer. But I don’t care now. With the internet helping us people to share our music with the world, I am free to write what I want to write musically. Instrumental guitar music, is one of the least popular genres of current times, and probably I will not be riding a Ferrari in my life from the money I make in this music. But that’s okay. I can live with a Honda. Or a Toyota. As long as I get to load it up with my guitar, my small amp and my FX pedals, and drive to some small club where the smoke is thick and the people are listening to you pour your heart out through that piece of wood and wires, I will be happy.

Good night.
Fahim

@Ashique M Fahim - blog

Who Am I? - @ashique-m-fahim