@lex-zaleta
A Rudderless Ship
<p>One moment your biggest concern is getting your son off to school on time. The next moment, you are making life and death decisions for your parents. Life comes at you from all directions. It comes hard, and it doesn't quit. You either keep fighting back, or you quit.</p>
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<p>I've been fighting back harder than ever since November 14, 2008 when my dad passed away. There is no way to fill the void, no way to keep the dream alive. The lines of clamoring creditors with their mountains of paperwork demand immediate attention. I have given them what I can, and I have no more to give.</p>
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<p>Time and again, I try to return to the music sites, try to post new songs, and try to review the work of my friends - but I lose my way. I am a rudderless ship with tattered sails. I made good time while I was whole, but I didn't really get anywhere. Now, I am adrift in a strange sea, and I've lost my compass too. The clouds hang heavy day and night, leaving no sun or stars to guide me. There are small leaks from stern to bow with no shoreline in sight. I have no choice but to keep on keeping on, sailing and bailing toward some dark destination. Some folks call it "Home."</p>
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Lex, I was first touched by your writings here, was drawn to it for some reason and as I read on, I see why, we feel so alone when those closest to us leave us behind, and no one can ever describe what we are going through, its unusual how personal the loss of losing a loved one is and yet, we all lose as the years go on our loved ones, one by one, until it is "our turn". I look at a picture of my Brother Brian here as I write this to you, in tears for what you are going through and how well I remember Brian and what It did to me, and still does. I have read what the other friends and family members have said to you hear, what Dear, kind people, you and me have here. As said, keeping the Faith, ponder this.....no one has ever stayed here to live forever and no one ever will, but when I hear " keep the faith" I believe in God, I believe in Jesus and what he did for us, and that sacrafice was to enable us to return to him once again, as Your Dad has ! I don't know what "stage" you are in with his loss, but you must work through each one as it presents itself to you, the loss, the anger, the crying, the why, and even when people try to explain this and we don't want to hear it unless we are at that point, to hear it ! We all do this or we die inside, life is for the living, you live on and do all that you must do and want to do until you take your last breathe and I can promise you, that you will see "Dad again" he is on a vacation for now and you will be along later ! Families Can Be Together Forever! I believe this... took me 5 years before I could feel alive again, enough to want to live, enough to want to get out of bed and try another day that I had been blessed with, hold him close, they who are on the "other side" want us to "Live" and Be Happy " do so for him, start there, you will find yourself again, grab a hold of your ship and sail to the place where Dad wants you to be.
I heard somone say once; that someone was allowed to "invision the other side " and their comment was, " If someone were to invision the other side, even for a moment, they would want to take their lives immideatly for the Beauty Of It was so Wonderful " now this is where our loved ones are, not to say that you hurry things along
Lex, I remember when I lost my father how I never thought things would be the same again. When you are so close to someone, that you love them that much, of course you feel as though you are in limbo and the thoughts of them take over your life. You are dealing with this sadness, but you are also having to deal with the practical things too, so every single thing is all consuming. Ten years on, I still wait for my father to walk through the door as if it was all some bad joke, and I cry that I can't remember his voice, but I remember his arms, and his laugh and his love and the wonderful memories, that is what will get you through this. You never forget Lex, it just stops hurting. We all know how you are feeling at this time, but you must remember that your family here at Mix are always close at hand with a shoulder, a hug or just to listen. I send my loved dear friend, and as Rick said, keep the faith. Mel
it was not to long ago i lost my father as well lex, he was the glue that held my family together. i have ten brothers and sisters and we have nothing to do with one another.it is all very sad. but i refuse to give in, or give up! look bud,i know from my point of view, what your going through hurts, there's a void there that can never go away. over time we learn to live with it, but again it never gos away.
and it never should!
know this lex, you are not wrong,nor are you the only one that has ever felt this way.
but we can not ever quit!
with all my heart, i wish you all the peace you seek.
stay strong:
digger
quote: mv and gp:
and Lex, I was first touched by your writings here, was drawn to it for some reason and as I read on, I see why, we feel so alone when those closest to us leave us behind, and no one can ever describe what we are going through, its unusual how personal the loss of losing a loved one is and yet, we all lose as the years go on our loved ones, one by one, until it is "our turn". I look at a picture of my Brother Brian here as I write this to you, in tears for what you are going through and how well I remember Brian and what It did to me, and still does. I have read what the other friends and family members have said to you hear, what Dear, kind people, you and me have here. As said, keeping the Faith, ponder this.....no one has ever stayed here to live forever and no one ever will, but when I hear " keep the faith" I believe in God, I believe in Jesus and what he did for us, and that sacrafice was to enable us to return to him once again, as Your Dad has ! I don't know what "stage" you are in with his loss, but you must work through each one as it presents itself to you, the loss, the anger, the crying, the why, and even when people try to explain this and we don't want to hear it unless we are at that point, to hear it ! We all do this or we die inside, life is for the living, you live on and do all that you must do and want to do until you take your last breathe and I can promise you, that you will see "Dad again" he is on a vacation for now and you will be along later ! Families Can Be Together Forever! I believe this... took me 5 years before I could feel alive again, enough to want to live, enough to want to get out of bed and try another day that I had been blessed with, hold him close, they who are on the "other side" want us to "Live" and Be Happy " do so for him, start there, you will find yourself again, grab a hold of your ship and sail to the place where Dad wants you to be.
I heard somone say once; that someone was allowed to "invision the other side " and their comment was, " If someone were to invision the other side, even for a moment, they would want to take their lives immideatly for the Beauty Of It was so Wonderful " now this is where our loved ones are, not to say that you hurry things along
damn dude! that was perfect!